|
[02 Mar 2007|08:54am] |
Tagged by aliceishope
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next three sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't dig for your favourite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.
6. Tag five other people to do the same.
the closest book to me was one i had thrown down the side of my bed because it annoyed me so much and it was "the diary of a manhattan call girl"
my sentance was
i dont think so! "she has other plans", i told him.
bit boring really.
i tag
nowecantrewind
froodles
_morbid_pixie_
matanai
fatgurlslim
|
|
|
[25 Feb 2007|06:52pm] |
so the meal on thusday went ok, i just ended working out so much and fasting on friday and purging when i ate a oat cake. oh well. saturday was hmm ok, until i had chinese, richens (my friend) measured my pulse and blood pressure before then after and it went from around 108/ 79 to 127/108 and my pulse went from 55 to 93. so just shows what food does to me. then me and dave and some friends went out drinking after that. i met his friends girlfriend who is a recpovered anorexic, she never even smiled once, she looked so sad, she was a normal wieght as far as i could tell because i thought she looked a little chubby but she probably thought i did. we didnt talk we just got introduced, it felt strange i had expected her to be so much thinner than me and be really out going but she just looked normal and really sad. i just loook like i am on drugs most of the time even though im not because i have huge eyes and a big smile that i cant get rid of after a couple.
anyway we stayed at richens's last night and i had work this morning i had a smoothie from burst the smoothie bar, it had bananas pineapple and ginger in it and was yummy. then after work i had a fruit slalad from starbucks. im about to have sunday dinner, well vegetables and gravy.
|
|
| i am back |
[05 Feb 2007|08:45pm] |
well ive been out of hospital a while now i discharged myself as soon as i was a regular wieght and they cant do anything about it now as i rang up the childrens legal advice buero. i tried eating and going straight well as you can guess thats all fallen apart and i am having trouble eating anything other than fruit and keeping it down. on sundays i used be to able to eat i just couldnt do it. i am glad in a way that mum and dave have agreed to "leave me to it" as long as i have a peice of fruit for breakfst and lunch then a small dinner. well that dont know what i eat at work anway do they. its good cos this time im not at school so i cansleep when i want. when i left hospital i was 120lbs i hope ive lost some more now.
last friday i had the worst experience ive had in a while, i was in ballet class and we were ging to put on a show in april. well the costumes arrived and guess what mine didnt fit id lost me 11 year olds body hadnt i and it proved to me yes i am too fat and i certainly dont deserve nice food.
this time its also given me pretty bad depression, i cry alot and cant cope with much so im going to start the prozac again. or jack and jills maybe lol no dave would kill me if i did that.
were moving in in may, im really excited.
|
|
|
[09 Oct 2006|08:46am] |
i hate my mum, theyve made me fat, size 4 clothes fit. i cant take this any more. i want to die, but at the sme time i cant, im getting engaged, i cant leave dave, if i did he would die, so technicaly im living for him. as soon as we get away from here, i wont want to die, i mean i wont want to eat still but i will want to live. i wish mum would just admit that she cant controll me any more and let me see dave whenever i wanted without making me feel guilty. i hate her, she doesnt trust me, i just want to spend every minute with him. he cares about me and i love him more than ive ever loved anyone, and you know what i know he loves me
so far today i havnt eat anything and i dont intend to. i just want to cry why does she think it all revolves around her, why is it i cant just be sad, i hate having to be all smiles all the time. im not going to college today, i dont feel like it. once i get away from them im never coming back. i hate them.
|
|
|
[15 Jul 2006|02:32pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
come with me - special d clubland extreme |
] |
im so happy, i cant rember the last time i felt this way. im so happy because, and yes i know this is pathetic, dave gives me so much attention and he really likes me so much. hes staying again tonight, but mum is out tonight and we have the house to ourselves, im making dinner (^_^)
he makes me feel so safe, and loved, we were having sex the other day and he said "ive never liked anyone as much as you, i know we havnt know each other long but i dont want this relation ship to be just sex like it has been with iother girls, because i like you so much, ive nevr felt this way about anyone, so you know we dont have to do this if you dont want" i cant even describe how good i felt when he said that to me, we did however stop as we heard my mum walking around upstairs so we watched the end of big brother and just cuddled.
on the ED front, im doing terrible i may feel better about myself but it hasnt stopped the starving then b/ping all the time. but the Priory is sorted i have my appointment on the thursday i get back, the day after Daves driving test. i really hope he passes... but yeh i need to remember to concentrate on getting better. if im going to have to stay there though i might have to tell him, but im not sure how i would do it you cant just come out with "by the way im anorexic and im going into rehab for a bit". ugh
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
rebecca_jane06's journal